Welcome to Earth

Welcome to Earth

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When I jotted down that this movie was from 1996 it made me feel a little old.  That movie was 15 YEARS ago? Seriously?  Well…shit…anyways, it rocked back then and it still rocks today.  God, seriously?…15 years ago?!  (I know I just did a B2TF review, but the whole movie is about getting back to 1985 so it’s easier to take in.)

Anyway, Jeff Goldblum a hero?  I think so!  (What? F*#K JEFF GOLDBLUM, man…) WRONG!  You don’t say that about Jeff, he’s a wonderful, wonderful man!  Especially in this movie *cough* and Jurassic Park…so ZIP YOUR FACE!

In all seriousness though, Alien crafts start showing up all around the world.  Some people are optimistic about the situation (SEE: Crazies on the roof holding WELCOME signs – “GOD I HOPE THEY BRING BACK ELVIS!”)…and some people know from the very beginning that these guys mean business. (SEE: Secretary of Defense – Mr. Nimzicki) You know what…I kinda feel bad for Mr. Nimzicki.  Yes, the guy was kind of a toolshed, but he also managed to be right about most things up until the end when he got a little stir crazy…ahh…you’ll see, you’ll see.

So the aliens show up and David Levinson (Goldblum) figures out that they are, in fact, NOT nice. (“AND THEN WHAT DAVID!?…Checkmate…”) Mind you, this is before the laser’ing rampage breaks out.  Levinson figures out that the aliens are using our own satellites against us so he and his father go try and warn Levinson’s wife at the White House. (“If I knew I was going to meet the President, I would have worn a tie. I mean look at me, I look like a schlemiel!”)

They get to the White House, David’s wife is not havin’ any of it.  She basically tells them to frick off.  David doesn’t give up, manages to score a meeting with the President (Bill Pullman) – who he doesn’t exactly get along with. (“You punched the President?”)  The two of them end up letting bygones be bygones and everyone makes a break for Air Force One.

Insert Hero #2, Captain Steven Hiller (“Loser”)…(Will Smith).  No! He’s not REALLY a loser, that was just his best friend in the world Captain Jimmy Wilder, (Harry Connick Jr.) messing around with him.  Watch the movie people!  So Hiller starts kickin’ ass and takin’ names from the very beginning. (“SHIP ALL BANGED UP!”)  Unfortunately, the Marines aren’t full of Captain Hillers, because we kinda get our asses kicked the first ¾ of the movie.  That and the aliens obviously have some sort of force field…what aliens don’t. (“Let’s nuke the bastards..”)

Basically, Hero #1 (Goldblum) and Hero #2 (Smith) need to join forces to make a super force, black and white cookie to get the job done.  (“Look to the cookie Elaine!”…Seinfeld season 5, episode 13)  When this takes place, the two hero’s fly a busted up alien craft (“crash landed back in the 50’s!”) to the mother ship and insert a nerdy computer virus. (Which, luckily the aliens happen to be Apple compatible…so PHHEW!) THIS allows the force fields to malfunction for a brief few minutes and the United States saves the world’s ass AGAIN!

BAM!  That’s a movie mother f*#@ker!

Another great example of why the Top 10 missed out.  This is Will Smith in his prime and always a great watch anytime it’s on TV.  Hell we break out the DVD copy every Independence Day…Is this on Blu-ray? (checking…) Shit…it is…there goes another $15 bucks…I wish a genie would come and change my DVD collection to Blu-rays.


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