Final Four – Adam Sandler Movie Babe Showdown
Welcome to our FINAL FOUR in the Adam Sandler Movie Babe Showdown! These semi-final matchups are guaranteed to be hard fought battles, and at the end of the day we’ll be down to just TWO lovely ladies to represent Adam Sandler and all his hard work in the casting department.
Let’s head to the Pre-Game Show.
Good afternoon everyone and welcome to the Final Four Pre-Game Show. We’ve got a lot to talk about as we break down these two incredible matchups, but before we get started, let’s check in at the arena.
We now go LIVE to Walter Scheems who is standing courtside, Walter?…Walter?
Walter: Thanks guys, we’re just about set here for the first matchup of the night, where we have newcomer Brooklyn Decker facing off against one of the decade’s finest movie babes, Jessica Biel. Decker has cruised through the early rounds with very little difficulty, while Biel struggled in the Elite 8 against fan favorite Drew Barrymore before a second half run put the game away. The on-screen power of these two girls together could melt faces and it could get very chippy here tonight. In the end though, only ONE will be moving on to the Championship. I can’t wait to see the outcome! Back to you in the studio.
Thanks Walter. So guys, let’s start by talking about Brooklyn Decker for a minute. Yes, she is a total babe. Yes, she has the body of a goddess, but can she hold up against, as Walter said, one of the stand-out beauties of this decade?
That’s a good question, and what I’m really anxious to see tonight is how Brooklyn Decker will respond to adversity. It’s been a fairly easy road for her so far and tonight will really be her first true test. It’s likely that she’ll fall behind at some point in the game, so it’ll be interesting to see if she can maintain her composure.
Good point. Before we go any further, let’s check in with our AccuScore simulator and see how this matchup breaks down.
Brooklyn Decker (Just Go With It)
DOB: April 12, 1987
Credentials: SI’s Swimsuit Cover (2010), uhh, OTHER pages in SI’s Swimsuit (2010)
Jessica Biel (I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry)
DOB: March 3, 1982
Credentials: Esquire’s Sexiest Woman Alive (2005), #3 Maxim Hot 100 (2008), 7th Heaven Teen Hottie Award (late 90’s)
As you can see, the computer likes Decker to win this matchup, but as they say, that’s why you play the games, right?
That’s right, and if you read the rules at the beginning of the competition, you would see…let me get my notes together here… (Clears throat)
Rule #3 reads: We’re making the call based SOLELY on their appearance in the movie.
This is a real advantage to Brooklyn, in my opinion. Brooklyn is the newcomer, and she stole the hearts of millions when she posed half naked on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue last year. To see her air drying on the beaches of Sandler’s new movie was a shocker, but it’s what has gotten her this far in the tournament. She has the drive; I think she can do it.
Well that may be the case, but let’s not overlook her competition. Jessica Biel has been on the minds of young men since the mid-90’s. It’s going to be hard for someone as new as Brooklyn Decker to erase all those years Biel graced us with in 7th Heaven. (NO, I didn’t watch 7th Heaven, but HELL; I did flip by it a time or two.)
But as we just talked about, the only thing that matters is appearance in the movie, and the scene we’ll take from Chuck and Larry is obviously the crowd favorite when Biel is bouncing around the apartment in nothing but her lady wear. Can it hold up against Decker’s beach walk? I guess we’ll find out.
We certainly will. Let’s take a quick break and then we’ll be back to preview the second game of our Final Four doubleheader. Don’t go away…
Welcome back to the Final Four Pre-Game show, where it’s time to discuss our second matchup.
Guys I’ve been going back and forth on this match-up all week. I thought Beckinsale was the clear cut favorite to come out of the West, but after Tomei knocked out one of my all-time favorites, Julie Bowen, in the Elite 8, it became very clear that she is a force to reckoned with. This is going to be quite a battle.
It really is. Tomei has classic beauty, girl next door charm, and Academy Award winning acting skills, but today she’ll face by far the toughest opponent she’s seen yet in Kate Beckinsale.
Let’s see what AccuScore has to say.
Kate Beckinsale (Click)
DOB: July 26, 1973
Credentials: #21 Maxim’s Hot 100 (2007), #10 FHM’s Sexiest Women Alive (2008), Sexy Accent…sometimes.
Marisa Tomei (Anger Management)
DOB: December 4, 1964
Height: 5’4 1/2”
Credentials: Won an Oscar for My Cousin Vinny (1993), Nominated another 2 times – In the Bedroom (2002), The Wrestler (2009), People Magazine’s “Most Beautiful People (2009)
I think AccuScore is just as unsure as the rest of us, this really is a toss-up. One thing to note though, is the height advantage for Beckinsale. Tomei is going to have an uphill battle against all that size in the paint.
Well I can tell you right now Tomei isn’t scared. She’s ready. She’s got her Oscar in one hand and bat in the other, ready to start spittin’ out Jersey references if it comes to it. And I’ll tell you what, if she bites her bottom lip just ONE MORE TIME in Anger Management, then I think she runs away with this match-up and doesn’t look back.
Now we caught up with Kate Beckinsale yesterday and contrary to the high energy approach of Tomei, she really seemed relaxed. She knows she’s a contender and her consistency in those pajama shorts in Click doesn’t hurt her chances. Beckinsale has the ability to roll out of bed and STILL look gorgeous. Beckinsale slams the door shut when she’s angry, but carefully opens it with a smile and butt lift when she’s happy.
Okay, folks, that’ll do it for us here in the studio. Thanks for joining us on the Final Four Pre-Game Show. We now send you live to Staples Center in Los Angeles where they’re ready for tip-off.
Hello everyone and welcome to Staples Center in sunny Los Angeles, the site of this year’s ASMBS Final Four.
We’ve got two outstanding matchups for you tonight, so let’s get right to it with the East Region Championship.
Brooklyn Decker (Just Go With It) vs. Jessica Biel (I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry)
Decker strides out of the water in nothing but her yellow bathing suit. Biel enters the arena like a prizefighter, robe and all. She flings it off and reveals the eagerly anticipated bra and panties made famous in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. (The crowd is in awe) Decker keeps her cool, staying warm on the bench. Biel locks eyes with Decker.
GAME’S ON! GAME’S ON! Biel runs the court like a seasoned vet in the first half. She executes her offense flawlessly, picking apart a shell shocked Brooklyn Decker, who quickly calls a timeout to try and halt the run and at least keep things close going into halftime. What can Decker do? The only thing she knows! She finds the defense she’s been missing most of the tournament and grinds Biel’s offense to a screeching halt in the second half. Biel pulls every trick out of the bag, heroically firing up long distance 3’s off the screen, but the D is JUST too much for her to handle as Brooklyn takes the game. Decker was able to regroup after the initial run by Biel, and did a fantastic job of making adjustments at halftime, something Biel was unable to do.
Biel gets a nice ovation from the crowd will be remembered for a fantastic run to the Final Four. T.F.C.O. Jessica!
Wow, what a game, and what a great start to our Final Four.
Next up is our West Region Championship, and this is the one that everyone has been talking about. Let’s get to it.
Marisa Tomei (Anger Management) vs. Kate Beckinsale (Click)
The lights go down. The music starts (AC/DC’s – For Those About to Rock). Tomei is shown on the jumbotron head butting a car window out and yelling, “Place at the TABLE!!” Beckinsale is calm. She slowly walks out, strums along to the song a bit and throws her air guitar into the stands. Our two ladies meet face to face. No one can look away. LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLEEEEE!
Tomei and Beckinsale trade shots. The intensity is immense, but neither girl budges. Back and fourth, shot after shot, neither girl can break the other’s rhythm. A much needed time out is called by Beckinsale, as the crowd tries to catch their breath. The TV cameras get a shot of Sandler movie veteran Steve Buscemi in the stands, and he shakes his head in amazement. Beckinsale’s coach, Sean Astin (RUDY, RUDY!) is flailing his hands in the air, trying to get a point across to Kate. She nods and then…smiles…?
Beckinsale does her best Kobe Bryant impression following the time out and unleashes a torrid 30-2 run on Tomei, quickly turning the game into a blowout. Something took over Beckinsale. She flipped a switch, turned the corner, went “over-the-top”…whatever she did it worked and Tomei had no answer for it.
As the last few minutes wind down, a frustrated Tomei grows visually upset, tossing an elbow as she grabs a rebound. Beckinsale hits the hardwood and covers her mouth. A HARD foul is called. Tomei is irate. She drop kicks the ball into the stands and is immediately T’d up. She doesn’t stop there. The Gatorade is FLUNG onto the floor and before long Tomei is up in the stands like Ron Artest in 04’. The game is called and Beckinsale’s hand is raised. I think it’s safe to say that no one saw that coming.
So there you have it. Brooklyn Decker and Kate Beckinsale will meet in the ASMBS Championship Game. Thanks for joining us, and we’ll see you back here Monday for the championship.
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