Elite 8 – Adam Sandler Movie Babe Showdown
YES SIR! The Elite 8 are upon us! Bow down ladies and gentlemen, because these are the BEST of the BEST (sir). Breakdowns are easy…Movie Babe V Movie Babe in a one on one showdown of who is more BABE-O-LICIOUS!
I can’t STAND it, let’s get going!
Drew Barrymore (The Wedding Singer) vs. Jessica Biel (I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry)
In our first match up we have a 2-0 Drew Barrymore from Wedding Singer (The proclaimed “VCU” of the tournament) up against one of the top seeded Sandler babes, Jessica Biel, Chuck and Larry. This is going to be a tough match-up for Barrymore and it certainly isn’t “jacket weather” anymore. The two ladies come out swinging, trading shots and stare downs with the best of them. With a special, televised, halftime speech from Lou Holtz, Biel hits three straight replays of “look, I’m in my underwear in this movie” and runs away with it in the second half. Lifting a beer – To the fallen Barrymore…(together) BARRYMORE!
Brooklyn Decker (Just Go With It) vs. Winona Ryder (Mr. Deeds)
Winona Ryder versus Brooklyn Decker – Ryder looks tired from her win over Cox…What?…Nothing…Winona Ryder also recorded “The Worst Shot of the Tournament” in the first half. Plus, did you see the picture of Decker we have? Scroll back up to and take another look…it’s just not fair…I think Deeds lucks out with the hair color change mid-movie by Ryder, but NED…Have you ever SEEN Decker? She is friggin’ gorgeous…Pick a side – HERS! Curvaceous-ness WINS!…Congrats Andy Roddick…You lucky S.O.B.
Kate Beckinsale (Click) vs. Salma Hayek (Grown Ups)
Probably the toughest match up in our Elite 8. Kate Beckinsale and Salma Hayek are legends of their time. Am I wrong?! – Ok then…NEXT FRAME! There were 26 different lead changes in this game. Both sides shot 95% from the field and there were no misses at the line. Beckinsale commented on the age of Hayek during the halftime interview, which was over-heard and acted upon by Hayek. She threatened an assassination by Antonio Banderas’ Desperado stunt double she “had lunch with” back in 95’. “WE’RE GOOD FRIENDS STILL!” At the end of this hard faught battle, Beckinsale played some of that All-League Defense we’ve heard about and came out clean on the other side…yes, like Andy Dufresne.
Julie Bowen (Happy Gilmore) vs. Marisa Tomei (Anger Management)
HEY, OOOO, HEY, OOOO. WHOMP, there it IS! – Welcome to the final match-up of our Elite 8. This game was hand picked to go PRIME TIME. An original, Julie Bowen from Happy Gilmore, versus a somewhat of a newbie, Marisa Tomei from Anger Management. Can you take it? Do you know who wins? Who did you pick? WRONG SIR…WRONG! – (well, you might be right…) LET’S SEE!
Think when Sandler was reading the Anger Management script and it said that David had a “kissing in public” phobia, he would have ever imagined how crappy that would really pan out? First day on set…Uh, so you guys got Marisa Tomei to be my girlfriend in this movie huh? And I have a kissing phobia? F!…Moving on to “THE” Public Relations lady, Julie Bowen. I think Bowen takes this match, hands down, IF Tomei recorded this movie a year before or after 2003…but…
Bowen, dribbling, un-guarded, two feet over the half court line — Shot clock has been turned off, down by 1 — 20 seconds, turns into 10 — Bowen makes her move — Cross over, between the legs, Tomei bites, Bowen pulls up………………… (slow motion shots of the crowd – ripped kid in Rookie of the Year, Home Alone face slap) –ANNNDDDD — it’s off the back of the rim as time expires…
Bowen drops to her knees and buries her face in the hardwood.